Currently I am parked in front of my laptop with a fan blowing warm air at my face as I keep glancing up at my reflection in the mirror on the back of my closet door. I let my hair air-dry as it is too hot to bother with the blow-dryer, and I am wondering if there is anyway that I can save it in the morning or if I should just dump sea-salt spray on my tresses and embrace the kinky ends and flat roots. The ice has already melted in the giant, orange plastic cup of water I just got for myself mere minutes ago, and my tummy is slightly swollen from consuming a little *too* much watermelon. I am listening to "So Tonight That I Might See" by Mazzy Star for the millionth time, and the anxiety that normally resides in my chest has dwindled down to almost non-existence. I am content. 

These photos, along with the ones from my last outfit post, were taken at Lincoln Street Art Park in Detroit. It is a sculpture park that was built on an abandoned industrial site a few years ago, and it has recently become a hangout place for Mariah and myself. I love it because the sculptures change often and it is never super crowded, although there are bonfires and the like usually later in the evenings. I had first came here back in 2011 for engagement photos, but hadn't been back until early spring of this year with Mariah. 

Lately I have been focusing on creating more good memories to tie into my past ones that were still tender up until a few months ago. It is very easy to slip into the mindset of associating certain places, events, and even music with another person. It seemed that my only options were to avoid these triggers, or to just accept both the good and bad memories and move on. I accepted, but also made the choice to extend them. I may have went to every Weezer concert before last September with my ex, it doesn't mean I have to stop listening to them, or forget all of those wonderful memories. Instead, I remember how amazing those times were, and added to them by seeing them play with friends, and by blasting them at parties. I keep the old memories, but continue to make new ones that are just as amazing. My journey with Weezer, that coffee shop, certain movies and songs are not over, they just have taken a different path. Just like I have. 

On this particular day, my friends and I brought sushi to the park, took a bunch of photos, and people-watched before moving on for the evening. I have recently come to terms with the fact that my brain was very warped for most of my twenties and that my body isn't as bad as I thought it was. As little as two years ago I would have cringed at my thighs and arms, today? I love how these photos turned out. The golden hour + 90's aesthetic? I am one happy Party Cat. 

In other news: I am busy! I still haven't quite figured out the balance between work and play just yet (worst Libra ever), but I am getting there! Also, this blog makes me look so much cooler than I actually am. Honestly, I am sitting in my Doctor Who pajamas and trying desperately to get the Pokemon Go app to quit crashing on me. What a time to be alive! 

Seriously? Seriously.

Crappy servers and bloated tummies aside, I am really starting to feel happy again. The girl who couldn't make plans past the end of the month last year? She is making travel plans for this autumn. I have too many wonderful friends and family members living out of state to not dip my toes into traveling a little more often. I may have not set foot out of Michigan in over two years, but that is all about to change. Indiana, Kentucky, Virginia, I am coming for you! Until then, keep it weird, kittens.

Up until recently, I kept living my life for my future. I was living with the mindset that everything in my life would suddenly be better when I had reached my ultimate goals: pay off debt, and move into my own place. After sitting down and looking at my situation realistically, I now know that isn't going to happen for some time, and it became very difficult to not be discouraged. Even with setting short-term and long-term goals I still felt trapped and oftentimes that there was no point to anything, I felt useless. I backslid, often. I still kept trying. 

Then about six weeks ago, something clicked. My friend Pauly asked me if I was interested in doing some secretary work for his band Stone Clover, and I said yes because I could use a little extra money. This somehow evolved into me running all of their social media, doing research, and taking photos of them at events. We have weekly meetings where we brainstorm ideas, and we are constantly texting/messaging each other with encouragement. I became so busy that I stopped thinking about being broke/when I was going to move out/my shitty dating life, and started thinking of how I could be better at being an asset to this band, how I could find an actual career doing something more creative. What started out as a healthy distraction has evolved into me taking charge of my life, finally. 

I am not going to lie, I often worry that I might have some form of High-Functioning Depression, because there are moments when everything slows down and I feel a little lost until I begin to tackle to the next project. However, this is the first thing that has felt completely "right" in a very long time. I look around myself and I am not the only one struggling, we all are. So many loved ones are trying to find jobs, better jobs, graduating, worrying about parents, worrying about children, finding love, healing broken hearts, fighting depression, anxiety, loneliness, the list never ends really, but we keep trying. 

Sometimes we work hard and we reach our goals, and sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. The greatest lesson I have learned is to have goals, and dreams, but to also really just live in the present. Every late night parked car conversation, all of the drunken hugs and kisses on cheeks, the hours spent bent over laptops clicking away at keyboards, all of the long-winded text messages venting frustration and yet also pushing encouragement are all the little important pieces happening now that are leading up to the biggest dream I have: to look back on it all and know that I lived.  

No one has it figured out, there isn't a set of rules, or a way it is 'supposed' to be. I sure as hell discovered quickly that the American Dream isn't for me, and it is going to take a little while to really figure the rest of it out because my wants and needs often clash. When it comes down to it I think that I will truly find happiness when I can overcome the fear of not being good enough, and I can honestly say that presently, I am on the correct path. 

In an effort to streamline this blog a bit more, I created a second blog, Mitten Happenings. I have so many wonderful, talented friends that are creative in so many ways, and in the past, I have tried my best to signal boost them with this blog. However, this is a personal style/life blog, so the content can get a bit hodge podge-y at times. So, in an effort to stay a bit more organized Mitten Happenings was born! 

Currently, there are only a few posts, but you can also find links to artists near and dear to me on the side bar. My goal is to do at least one post per week with current events in the Detroit/Metro Detroit area, as well as a feature on artists every now and again. I am really excited to have a special place to showcase all of my talented friends, and now that it is separate from my regular blog, they have their own place to shine. I will link Mitten Happenings posts to Cat Ears & Coffee's Facebook page, so you can also follow along there.