One Year Later

10:30 AM

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We have survived the first year of marriage, woot-woot! And to celebrate, how about posting some film photos that I have been hoarding for almost as long? And by hoarding I mean my brother & sister in-laws who took the the time to take all of our engagement photos, and all of our wedding photos, while one of them was also standing in the wedding, gave me a flash drive with these on them and I just downloaded them yesterday. 

Shh, don't tell anyone. 

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"Does it feel different to be married?" for the first few weeks I would roll my eyes at this. Kyle and I had been together for over 11 years when we got married, and had lived together for almost eight of those years. So how could being married be different? 

It isn't, not really. I honestly feel that after every major event in my life, something becomes more apparent, and when I am able to recognize it, I start to change. Back in 2003 when I moved to Yipsilanti, MI to start school, I decided to get an apartment with Brian (Kyle's twin) because we would be going to the same school, and the apartments were hundreds of dollars cheaper. Little did I know that it was a requirement for freshmen at Eastern Michigan University to live on campus. I changed my status to 'commuter', thinking that I had found a way around the system, only to have my student loans cut in half. Long story short, I ended up back in my parents house by December, and enrolled in community college. Did I feel any different as a college student? Yes. I felt like a big fat failure. 

A year and a half later, I am doing OK. I have a job, and am in school. Not really loving either of them, but living. Kyle and I decide to get our own apartment together. This time I am confident. Kyle and I split all of the bills in half, I took boring classes, I worked at a job I hated. But I had Kyle, my cats, and my own space. I also went into credit card debt trying to pay for my classes (what are student loans even?), and I gained a lot of weight by eating fast food. What is cooking? Did I feel any different having my own apartment? Limited freedom I guess, not really sure if it was worth it. 

Fast-forward to 2010 and I am enrolled at Oakland, Kyle and I have a house, Louie, and are planning a wedding. Did I feel any different? Yes, I was overwhelmed. But, I was starting to feel happy. 

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Come October of 2012, I thought I would be completely happy. I was done with school, the wedding was over and done with, we could finally focus on our house! I felt relieved. 

Then Kyle was rushing around trying to get caught up in his classes. By being in school and working, his schedule was different than mine. Also, we had more family obligations to attend to. With Kyle being so busy with work and school, I was left with all of the household duties and it finally sunk in just how much larger our house is compared to our old apartment. 

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Where are we now? Kyle is still working and going to school. Because I have to be at work earlier than him, our schedules are still very different. Our house is still the same size, and we still have family obligations. Life is still very overwhelming at times. 

So what is different? Just like with the previous events in my life, I learned to become more independent. I know that it sounds strange, you get married, you are supposed to be a team, you have each other, and that is all very true. But sometimes, it all comes back to if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. 

I didn't like my classes, so I changed my major and forced myself to do better. I hated my job, so I quit and found another. I hated the next job, stuck it out until something better came along. I hated how I looked, so I lost weight. I hated having credit card debt, so I bought things second-hand and learned how to cook. I wanted us to have our own garden and our own space to personalize, so we bought a house. We wanted to be married, so we got married. No matter how much I don't want to do a load of laundry, or clean the bathroom, I still do it. I get exhausted, I get frustrated, but I know that I need to do these things, as much as I wish for a house elf to appear to give me a hand, it is on me. Same thing for Kyle, if he wants to pass his class, he has to stay up late and finish his paper. We still support each other, we are still there for each other. Sometimes I fall asleep at 8pm because I am just worn out, and Kyle is stuck washing underwear after he gets done with a closing shift. Or we just go commando ;)

I guess what I am saying is that I had assumed that at this point in my life, things would be easier. Sometimes they are, sometimes they are not. We are still learning, and growing. We are still dealing with all of the shit we get ourselves into, and as much as we drive each other crazy at times, we still love each other. So I guess it does feel different, but people change, adapt, and grow throughout their lives. So we will probably feel different next year, and the years to come. But, it is a good different, a happy different. 

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14 Musings

  1. Happy anniversary!!! The first year is the toughest, and you made it! Congrats!

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  2. Sara, I am so happy for you! I didn't realize it had only been a year. There's such a beautiful chemistry between you two it seemed longer. It's probably because you have known each other for so long. Yes, you both have been through some tough times but that just shows you how much love you have for one another. That's THE BEST kind of LOVE. It's not superficial. I wish you many more doll.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  3. Oh..you are continually progressing. Don't forget that. And think of all the wonderful memories you've made along the way! Happy Anniversary!

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  4. So love the photos and the memories. Oh, such a wonderful life even if you might not think so..some times. You and Kyle are so adorable. And we all LOVE your blog. You guys are inspiring and its a treat to see your blog daily!

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  5. Oh..its been a year already! My brother had his wedding yesterday. It was a fun time and September is definitely a great month to get married!

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  6. happy anniversary! what a great post. it's all so true. we always think life will be easier when... but life is always full of new challenges. the important thing is that you are happy. yay you!! have a great one!

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  7. This made me tear up! These photos are beautiful and it fits perfect with what you were blogging about. I'm not married but I hear the first year is the roughest. It's amazing when you find someone who is your perfect fit who you work well with and you guys have been together than most! That's beautiful and something really to be said about that! Here's to many more years of bliss for the two of you!!

    xo
    Rachel

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  8. A fun read to learn about you two more! I hope you have a wonderful anniversary together! Congratulations on the first year!
    +Victoria+

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  9. Happy anniversary! I was clueless about everything before I got married and the first year was tough, as wonderful as it was! Wishing you both many more happy years to come :)

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  10. Aw, I love this! And the photos of you guys are so sweet!

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  11. Congratulations my lovely friend. I actually cannot believe it has been a year. I remember when you posted your wedding photos on your blog and that only seemed like yesterday. Best wishes to you both. That means my 1 year will be coming up soon. I'm 2 months behind you.

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  12. So...after reading this I love you even more, Sara. And I am so happy that you and Kyle found each other - you are so perfect.

    Also pertinent...I've always worried about marriage, and said that I don't want to get married because I don't want to lose my independence. It's nice to hear that, even in a married relationship, your independence shines through. :)

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  13. Happy Anniversary.

    I feel exactly the same almost two years into my marriage. It's funny how nothing really changes but things subtly shift.

    I think one of the nice things about being married is that it gives you a strong base from which you can branch out and be independent and take big leaps and you know it'll be OK because you've got that other person there to come back to.

    You're totally right that the shit in life goes on and there's nothing you can do except get through it as best as you can.

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  14. Happy Anniversary! The photos were beautiful, thanks for sharing!
    http://www.buttonsandbirdcages.com

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Talk nerdy to me.