Simple
8:57 AM
When I started my 10k training, I knew that I was not going to drop 5 pounds in a week. I knew that it would take a lot of work to be able to run a few miles without stopping, let alone over 6. There are a lot of things in my life that are hard to deal with, and, even though I am all sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time (sarcasm), it is never easy to deal with unwanted criticism, unsolicited advice, sarcastic comment or unwanted opinions. But they will always be there, and matter-of-fact, I myself have spoken my opinion to others and have them not agree with me. In a perfect world, everyone would leave each other alone unless we ask for it. But we don’t live in such a world, hell our world has bigger issues than the one I am addressing on this blog. Last week at work, a co-worker asked if I had gained weight because it looked like my face and butt had gotten bigger. This is of course after I had lost five-pounds and had been busting my ass all week in my training, but the comment didn’t hurt me as much as aggravate me. So what if I am a little bigger? I am working on becoming healthier, but that is my personal goal and in the meantime, I am not overweight. Comments and opinions are not given by co-works, people you barely know, oh no. I was asked in a condescending way at a restaurant if I were Mormon because I wore a long dress while the accuser was dressed for a Britney Spears video. Well, I am not Mormon, but what if I were? Also, I did not comment on how the other girl was dressed, so why was I ridiculed for being a little more modest on a night out? I mean, I have worn my fair share of mini-skirts, but on that particular night I decided to wear that dress because I liked how I looked in it. But what if I lived a life where I chose to wear only modest clothing? Should I feel bad for choosing to do so? Or live a life where I wore skimpy clothing because I felt I looked good in it? It doesn’t end at appearance either, I have had people constantly ask me when I am having a kid, why I chose to have the wedding where it is, why my hair is two different colors, point out every single day that I have a big ass. I have had close friends and family offer their opinions on matters that I did not want. Most of the time, when people close to you do this it is because they feel that they are looking out for you, or that they went through a similar experience as you. Sometimes people do it because they are unhappy with their own lives so they criticize yours to make themselves feel better. Other times people feel they would react differently to a situation, be it big or small, so they comment on how you do. I have been called bitchy, aggressive, short-tempered, bossy, demanding, timid, over-focused, self-centered, anti-social, too shy, and too quiet, you name it. Often times I realize the people criticizing me have their own issues to deal with, or they are just not the same personality type as me, or as I said before they might be looking out for me. The thing is, unless someone asks for an opinion, be it on a top they chose to wear or a decision to have a child, or career change, don’t give it unless they ask. Because most of the time, it just feels like people are trying to change you, and as we all know, we were all made differently. We all chose to do and say the things we do because we are different as individuals, why would we all want the same things? Where is the creativity and variety in that? I didn’t mean for this post to go on for so long or to be a rant by any means, but just to spread awareness on how little comments or big opinions can come across to the recipient. And, as I finish this up, I do realize that I am actually giving advice by telling you all to be weary on what you say, but to keep it simple, think about what you say when you say it, and how you would feel if someone said it to you. Ask yourself next time you comment on a friend’s reaction to something if your friend would say anything to you if you were in that situation. Just because you had kids right after you got married, doesn’t mean everyone does-or maybe they don’t want kids at all, and that is their choice. Unless someone is in danger to themselves or others, it is okay to bite your tongue.
Details
Jacket, belt, purse & shoes-Thrifted
Shirt-Target
Jeans-UO
Necklace-Vintage, from my Great Grandmother
21 Musings
Oh girl, I hear you! We talked briefly on our walk about people and their opinions. It's total bullshit. Don't let them get to you. You are doing amazing. I wish I could have lost 5 pounds! You are beautiful the way you are at this weight and at any weight. The important thing is that you are healthy and you're happy. Everyone else can F off with their opinions.
ReplyDeleteI also hear ya with the baby thing. I got that all the time just after I got married. I can't believe you're not even married and you're getting it! I'll never forget my mother-in-law showing up to my Halloween party and she was pressuring me to have kids. My sis-in-law was there with her 3 month old baby and they kept trying to get me to hold her and were saying "Look you could have one like this at next years Halloween!" My response? I CHUGGED Tequila straight from the bottle. Drank a pint of it in about 30 minutes and then vomited all over. You want me to have kids now!? haha
It is your body, your life, your choice. There is nothing wrong having them right away if you want them right away. There's also nothing wrong waiting a few years or NOT having any at all!
Oh my god, how annoying! People are so rude! No one has ever told me i have a fat arse, and i really do! You do not, however!
ReplyDeletepeople do that to everyone with the kids though. It is so annoying! imagine if you did want kids, but you couldn't get pregnant, and people were constantly going on about it!
AMEN SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!! And WTF?! Why anyone would say those things to you is beyond me. Basically, I've learned to brush off comments about my outfit, makeup, hair but when it comes to my body, I am still way to sensitive. Someone telling me I looked like I had gained weight would absolutely crush me. Last year my grandma grabbed my tummy and asked me when I was "due". She knew very well that I was not pregnant and I immediately burst into tears and proceeded to cry for a few hours. Why on earth would anyone say things like that?!
ReplyDeleteAnd seriously, you look fantastic and just remember you're doing something really amazing for your mind, body, and really, your soul too in setting a healthy goal and working towards it so tell them to F*&k off and continue being awesome.
Also, I cannot tell you enough how much I hate the questions/insinuations of "why haven't you had kids yet?" I've been married for almost 4 years and I've seriously gotten to the point where I'm like thanks for your concern but I went to grad school and were still too broke, so thanks for reminding me. I then usually go home and cry. Fact. Long story short, I agree, I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves, especially those that are anyone besides your mom, dad, husband, best friend (I grant them some immunity). Whew-sorry I didn't mean to go on a mini rant but this post was just so awesome and honest it just got me writing! Wuv You Sara!
Preach, sister!
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. Little remarks can wound and there's never an excuse for them. Unless you are complimenting someone, keep your mouth shut or find a way to talk that isn't offensive.
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. The thought of that happening makes me so sad.
Blergh, I can be a little uncouth sometimes but I have never told a lady she was fat. It's a little bit gross the way women feel like they can tell other women what to wear, and how much they should weight. You are lovely, an I think it's fantastic that you are working out & trying to make your body stronger, regardless of how much weight you do/do not loose. Even when I meet a friend who has lost a lot of weight I try not to focus on the weight loss, and just tell them 'you look really good'.
ReplyDeleteTHIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY. I want addresses of these people, I'll get some anthrax together. Okay okay, deep breath.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you are beautiful. With your ghetto booty (like me! Booyah) and your jolly cheeks, your beautiful teeth and stunning eye colour, your hair that always seems so right (bitch! :p) and the tiniest little madmen waist.
Second of all, AMEN SISTAH! I am so sick of people making out like I'm a bad person because I stick up for myself, or others, and don't take part in trash talking and in fact discourage it in an outlandish way. Yes, sometimes I'm a little short tempered, or stubborn but at least I'm not a nothing, follower who would rather pick on others so I'm not the victim. *sigh* I get it. What you're saying, and if I could be bothered I'd say the same thing on my blog.
Today I took the day off because of bullies at work. Okay, mainly one. More on that later but maaaaan am I with you. I love you. Email me sometime yeah?
Oh can I just come live with you? :) You can teach me to apply eyeliner and we can go on jogs all the time. You go girl! Inspiring me to consider out hbf run for a reason. Might just do the 4.5km rather than the 15 though. Hehe. We aren't all as great as you!
I hear you. It sucks when people give their opinion without you asking for it. It's like they are doing you a favor buy giving their 2 cents in.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing is to ignore it and do what you feel is best for you.
First off..wanna say..I LOVE YOUR HAIR!
ReplyDeleteWell, as women..we do find a time when we have to stand up for ourself. Even this past week Ashley Judd had to go on TV to stand up for herself. ..just because her face looked puffy. Had she had work done on her face? Should she have work on her face? Oh..we do feel as if we are under a microscope.
That is funny about the "mormon" incident.
I always think of the time..a friend (I didn't know at the time was running away from home because he didn't want to join the Marines)..the last thing he said to me. "OH MY GOD..you look pregnant.." what was even more funny, when he was found..he found out his own girlfriend was pregnant. It was the beginning of a new end for him. But anyway, stand your ground. Great about you getting ready for your run, and staying strong.
All the best. Be you!
Wow, those are some pretty harsh things..especially at work.
ReplyDeleteYou just show them ..the little spit fire that you are.
Looking great!
I always try my best to respect my friends. I have a friend who is vegan and will probably never marry nor even date. I hope I never put her in any situation where I make her feel bad, about anything. She is a wonderful and creative friend.
ReplyDeleteBut it is interesting to see how bias some friends can be. Also their are grandparents who are not very understanding ..especially, living with people, having children. My mother had to listen to some woman in a store tell her ..she didn't bring her daughter up right..since she was not married, but living with someone. My Mom wanted to spit nails, but she didn't.
Wow, great open dialogue you started here. I hope you have a great week..and less of those kind of bad conversations.
ReplyDeleteI love that you can actually start a conversation like that your blog! that's great!
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to mention your very cuteoutfit and the first photo here - it is absolutely stunning!
Lyosha
Inside and Outside Blog
You're wonderful the way you are. Tell them all to eat dirt and die.
ReplyDeleteEveryone always says "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," but they're so wrong. Words do hurt; and that was totally unacceptable.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I LOVE how your hair looks in these pictures. And your jacket is adorbs! :)
Your shoes are way cute, and I really like your hair in this style. You look adorable!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
don't let the negative stuff get to you. people are just crazy it seems. as long as you're happy and working toward your goals, that's all that matter. love the jacket!
ReplyDeleteForget them! Be yourself and you'll be happy. You look beautiful and you do not look like you have gained weight. Love how secure you are with yourself...so many people do not have that quality and people gravitate to those who do.
ReplyDeleteKeep rocking Sara.
People are so cruel sometimes. You are a cutie and don't you forget it!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, I get it a lot from my family. I try and respond accordingly, but sometimes that makes ME in the wrong. So infuriating!
What? People have nerve, geez. I've haven't had to deal with criticism like that since my grade school days, so sorry. People are awful, but it is true that it is their insecurities that cause them to spew such things. You are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWell you know I'm all for modesty, but it sad that people expect everyone to look a certain way or be a certain size and put pressure on them to be that way. You look lovely to me! Besides, all those people in magazines and music videos get each frame touched up and they have up to 40% of certain body parts enhanced or cut!!!!!! True story.
ReplyDeleteOh, boy... I feel ya on this one. When I was engaged, it was constant opinions and suggestions. And ever since I was engaged I've had one friendship hanging by a thread because of all her negativity, lack of support, and nasty comments toward everything involved in the wedding.
ReplyDeleteIf you're not the kind of person who does such things, it's hard to understand why someone else would choose to be so vocal to a friend or a stranger or a coworker.
I've had coworkers be nasty as well and ask me if I went to a Christian college becuase I got married at 22 and pregnant quickly afterward. (She wasn't planned, but what business is that of yours, eh? And I was married, so who cares?) What if I did go to a Christian college? Is that a bad thing? And I can't believe someone criticized your outfit for covering up when the opposite would've been so much worse.
..What is wrong with people? I swear.
Talk nerdy to me.